Monday, April 2, 2012

Aggravation (or just catching me on the wrong day)

the aggravation has just hit me today.  i guess it has been building for a while but it really hit home today.  there are times when i feel like i'm the only one invested in this whole process.  although i like being on the forefront when it comes to brainstorming ideas and ways to make things more organized, i get more annoyed when i delegate something, and it's not completed to my satisfaction.  or it's not handled with the gusto and thoroughness i would like.  the virgo in me just wants to take over and do everything, but i feel like if i go through that trouble, even more resentment will come to the surface because it defeats the purpose of my delegating when i end up doing everything anyway.

i gave myself a tiny bit of a break from the wedding stuff.  not saying i don't think about. i think about it a whole lot.  but i don't want to get to the point where it's a total constant.  a few things haven't been going my way, like trying to get to the bridal place where they were having a sale off the gown i was interested in purchasing. they kept giving me the runaround and in the end, i missed out on the sale.  the only thing i can hope is that maybe the sale will come around again for me to take advantage.  i did complain to their headquarters because that's not the way you do service for someone who wants to be a potential customer.

i want to talk to him about it, but he's getting stressed out about the mundane stuff, like getting all the addresses together so we will have them and not have to scrounge around.  and finalizing the participants in the wedding party.  sure, according to traditional wedding guidelines, we are doing things a little backwards, but i don't want to deal with finding people to be part of the wedding party later.  so how can i talk to him about the annoyance i'm dealing with in trying to get the dress i really want?

i don't want to lose hope in being able to get the dress.  i mean, i looked at it and was in love with it.  and it wasn't even my primary first choice.  it was my second choice because the one i liked as my first choice, none of the stores seem to have it on hand.  but i was able to try it on at one of the retailers, after the bridal shop gave me the runaround the first time i went through the online process to schedule an appointment, and my heart stopped.  i really felt like it was indeed "the one". 

i have alternatives set aside in case i can't get it; it's just the principle of the thing. and trying to get him involved in the meetings, getting his input. i get tired of hearing "whatever you want" as if he isn't part of the ceremony.  i get he isn't big on certain parts of it, but at least, let me keep you in the loop of what's going on.  because in the end, he and i are the ones coming up with the money for it, so he needs to be at least fifty percent invested.

then, on top of that, i feel like the wedding coordinator isn't one hundred percent focused like she should be.  not saying anything bad, but i know she is the type where if she gets distracted on too much negative stuff, then she can't be as productive or effective as she needs to be when it comes to getting stuff done.  i'm trying to be respectful and give her the space she needs and not push.  but when i feel like that we've been going nowhere fast in the preparations for the past month, it's hard for me to not act like i have ants in my pants.

as much as i want to take the reigns and tackle everything, i am realistic enough to know i don't have time for everything.  i don't want to do this alone, but i don't want to have people around me and still feel like i'm doing this alone.  my anxiety level has been at peak for the past few weeks.  i know it will go down once i see the results i want, even if they aren't happening as quick as i would like them to.

i just need him to get right and her to get right.  it's hard for me to deal when both of them are out of sync.  cause the virgo in me starts forgetting they are both geminis and their energies tend to ebb and flow a lot...still doesn't stop it from driving me nuts.

okay. i feel somewhat better now. i just have to pray to take this irritation and direct it into something positive...or spur me to be more creative in other ways.

thought~you can only control your reaction to someone's behavior not the person himself

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